This morning I woke up, got out of bed, stumbled to the coffee machine, poured myself a tall cup of java and sat down before my trusty computer to lazily catch-up on the news of the day. The internet was chock full of stories that amused me. First I read a humorous story about how Jared Leto sent used condoms to his Suicide Squad cast mates, and another triumphant tale regarding the Great Escape of Inky the Octopus. However, my amusement quickly turned to a sense of deep betrayal that can only come from once again being faced with the vast abuse of power happening in Westeros, I mean, Washington.
President Obama has an advance copy of Season Six of Game of Thrones!! I repeat: PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS AN EXCLUSIVE ADVANCE COPY OF SEASON SIX OF THE GAME OF THRONES!!
I, for one, am shocked and dismayed. For the past six months I have suffered the sting of
possible death. I have wept openly as others laughed at me. I have all but stopped adulting in an epic quest for the truth and what do I have to show for it? Nothing.
To learn that the highest level of the American government holds answers to the questions that have tormented me, nay, us all for months is an act of treason. I’m talking Area 51 level shit.
The truth is out there.
Specifically, the truth is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue:
Therefore, I am left with no recourse but to call for an emergency congressional hearing to get the good people of the Seven Kingdoms the answers they deserve from our government officials. Do not obstruct justice, get off your Iron Throne and give us all the spoilers!
What did you know, President Obama, and when did you know it?
Obamacare? Obamacare, my ass. If Obama REALLY cared he would tell us the fate of Jon Snow. Instead, he’ll continue to obstruct justice for the remaining nine days before the April 24th premiere of Game of Thrones.