Ginger: “We here at The Spank and Ginger Show would like to wish all of our American readers a very happy 4th of July today.  To commemorate this day, we will be discussing a different kind of fireworks.  The kind that happen in your pants.  Or not, if you’re not wearing any.

First, we are going to share this article and video with you.  Please pay attention. You will be quizzed afterwards.  (no, not really)

But stick with us and enter to win a $10 Amazon Gift Card!”

The United States Armed Forces are the most powerful military force on the planet, so it only makes sense that they’re outfitted with the best weapons, gear, and yes, even masturbation devices.

Meet the Lifetime Silicone Stroker, the world’s first male sex toy constructed with military-grade materials and designed with the American soldier in mind.

 

 

The deeply weird video above explains that the sex toy “meets or exceeds MIL-STD-810, the most rigorous set of performance tests for operation under extreme environmental conditions,” including the very pertinent “fluids contamination test.”

The product is the brainchild of Brian Sloan, the mad genius behind the world’s most beautiful vagina contest and most beautiful anus contest. He’s used 3D scans of the winner’s triumphant vulva as the model for the Stroker’s entry point, meaning that you’re “sticking your soldier” into the best-looking vagina in the universe.

 

Image: siliconestroker.com

Article Source: Maxim

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 Spank: “I would just like to touch on our female troops.  I mean I hope this company is working on some military grade dildos to service our women in the military.”

Ginger: “Here Here! *bangs imaginary gavel*

I wonder if the government should start providing the troops with these masturbating devices. Especially for those in the Navy who are on the ship for six to nine months or longer on deployment.”

Spank: “Kids these days…. In the old days, all a sailor needed was a strong hand and a stronger imagination.”

Ginger: “Times have changed.  Now the Navy accepts applicants with tattoo sleeves and companies are making military grade masturbators.”

Spank: “It’s not the explosives the military is typically known for but thankfully they only shoot blanks and no one gets hurt (unless they hit their cabin mate).”

Ginger: “Actually that happens more than most people know. Here at the Spank and Ginger Show, we have an inside source who was former Navy Intelligence.  He educated us on what goes on behind closed doors inside the hulls of a ship.  Perhaps more than we wanted to know. Definitely more than we wanted to know. 

The sailors sleep in what are called racks, which are placed back to back with another rack. 

The person in the top bunk, when sitting up, can see the top bunk guy next to him, over that little wall.  So when a guy blows his load, the guy on the other side can get a face full of Nut Juice and that’s how fights start on the ship.”

Spank: “Dick Spit”

Ginger: “Erectoplasm”

Spank: “Jerk Sauce”

Ginger: “Cock Snot”

Spank: “Gentlemen’s Relish”

Ginger: “High Fructose Porn Syrup”

Spank: “Layonnaise”

Ginger: “Penis Colada”

Spank: Chances are it won’t shoot straight it the face. And let’s be real…. that’s not exactly the kind of cream they’d want in their morning coffee.

  

Ginger: “Well they’ve got all sorts of things in their bunks they probably don’t want Splooge to land on besides their faces. MP3 players, computers, snacks, their Justin Bieber posters, pictures of their girlfriends, paperbacks they’re reading.

*wonders what’s the best way to remove Baby Gravy from the pages of a paperback*

I mean Spank, during the Twilight days, what would you have done if some Jizz landed in the middle of your New Moon book?”

Spank: “That would be more action the pages of all four of those books had ever seen, that’s including the honeymoon.”

 

Ginger: *gigglesnort*

 

 

**To Celebrate The Return Of Our Ridiculous Conversations, Leave a Comment With Your Favorite or Most Creative Term for “Jizz” and We Will Randomly Pick Someone To Win A $10 Amazon Gift Card!** (U.K. and Canada Included)

 

 

 

*Top photo (photoshoot and photoshop) created by Ginger’s husband, Mr. G.

Model is “B Train”, a Roller Derby skater in Los Angeles, CA.